Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
