It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
