Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
