All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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