this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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