I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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