Screwed.edu
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The air taste purple.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
