I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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