guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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