you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
