I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
