his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
