so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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