ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
