She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
