Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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