I'm lost and stupid without you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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