I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
