Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
