Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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