I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
