Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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