toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
