I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
