walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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