I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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