i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
