Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
