I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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