i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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