I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
