you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
