dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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