good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
