Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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