did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
