You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
