May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
