Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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