I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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