I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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