He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
