i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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