I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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