Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
