the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How naked do you want me to be?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
