I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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