shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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