So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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