I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
