Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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