I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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