She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MIDGETS
????
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
