i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Randomize
