You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we're making bets on your personal life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
