i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We got so high we made milksteak
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
