I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
